Freshmen

So, I hear there’s a new student group here on campus
I hear that they’ve got more members than Intervarsity
More poclivity towards self-embarassment than the band
And more sexual tension and frustration than the entire harem of Gaeties auditionees
I hear they’re more international than Talisman
More talented than, Talisman
And more likely to be at all official Stanford events than Talisman.
Yes, I’ am talking about the class of ‘09.

You see there are some new cats on campus
New cats easily identifiable by their shiny new bikes
Their quick pace and wantness to laugh inappropriately
Their jampacked polysyllabic vocabulary
Obfuscating whatever the hell they’re trying to say
In words you’re sure you read in high school English
But have long since forgotten the meaning of
Now running down the front of your shirt, and gathering in a pool at your feet
An offering to the newly deicized upperclassman, you
And your potential to make them cool.

You see, I’m a Freshman RA
And for a week now I’ve been running the race of NSO
Beside 26 incoming freshman
Their minds, hearts and mouths overflowing with questions
With hopes, desires, with possibilities
They don’t yet know how to frame into a thesis.
There’s fears of being here, fears of leaving home
Fears of booze, of IHUM, of not fitting in
Of fitting in too well, of not sticking out
Of getting passed over
Of passing over opportunity
There’s hopes for first loves, for people who look like me
Who think like me
Who hope and dream like me
Big dreams of concerts on other celestial bodies
Of meeting another celestial body
They dream of cures and of prizes
Of bests and surprises
Of new thoughts, new ways, new times and new spaces
There is no end to their dreaming

And no end to their questions
Who’s better? Who’s faster? Who’s smarter?
And cuter?
Who’s got the answer that I am lacking?
What’s the CoHo, FloMo, RoHo?
Who’s my HPAC, PM, PHE?
What’s the SHPRC?
What’s an ice louge? beer pong? body shot?
How do I find out who thinks I’m hot?
What qualifies as random play?
And what the dif entre queer and gay?
Who knows what its like to have tried that, done that?
Who gave them the opportunity I was denied?
Why am I here? Who let me in? Who’s mistake am I?

And it’d be great to look at them, to look at them and laugh and remember the days when those same thoughts flew through my head
When I wondered what the hell I was doing here
Who the hell let me in and what the hell they were smoking.

But you know, those days are last week and yesterday, today and last year
Right before I stood up here
And right after I sit back down.

And that kid with his NSo map
Is just a lost little kid in me
And the doubt’s still there
The doubt that gathers at the corners of my mouth when I speak
That shines bright from my cheeks when I dance
That jitters the air around my hands when I perform and makes the paper quiver

And what’s more, the hope is still there,
Five years later
My freshman roommate now graduated
My first love now moved on three times over
My walls packed with pictures of memories,
Of pictures of losses and failures
Of memories of parties, of classes and classmates
And the hope’s still there
And the dreams,
the big dreams
The ones that don’t fit in my dorm room
That don’t fit in the bubble
Those dreams that are corny and sweet and not self-conscious
Those dreams that folks will laugh at
Those dreams that have possibility still in them
Those dreams that want to make a change in the world
But still don’t have the language to tell you how
that still believe in the goodness of the human heart
The fargility of the human heart
And the possibility of love
Dreams that still hope that conservatism will be short lived
And a face like mine, if not darker and more flamboyant
Will take the stage and speak of changes yet undreamed
Of freedoms unprecedented
And tell you that you have responsibility for this nation,
And that everything is going to be alright.

In the face of a freshman we can see our failures
Our disappointments
Our party fouls, sex blunders, blind groping for information
Our shit faced adventures, our fountain hopping, panty thieving
Non-chalant and all but unconcscious first year here
Our desire to just fit in, desire to be better at life
But what makes it worth being a freshman RA is
The reminder that those hopes are what got me here
Those blind, foolish, idealistic hopes
And they’re what we have most to offer to eachother
to ourselves, our parents, families and lovers.
To the class of 09, thanks for the reminder.